Colonial Mentality

I was reading Gilda Cordero Fernando's speech published in the Inquirer magazine last Sunday. I am one of those who can relate. I did not grew up in the same era though as Ms. fernando. But I lived in a time somewhere close to that - a time of transition. That was when it was considered baduy to speak in Filipino, read tagalog komiks, watch tagalog films, drink local coffee and the social status is based on the smuggled imported goods you buy from greenhills, cash and carry or cartimar. I was also taught to read using a primer with characters named, Ann and David. I read books with illustrations of children with blond hair riding in cars and wearing winter clothes. So my dreams were of rose bushes, wheat fields and tractors. I dream of owning boots and metal lunch boxes, playing with wheelbarrows and haystacks. I was looking for swans, chocolate candy bars and of course apples and oranges.

But what was around me? The roses were small with climbing vines making its way through the thick sampaguita trellis. And the sampaguita always smell better. I saw hectares and hectares of ricefields with coconut trees but never saw a wheat field. My friends were named Pepe, Sabel, Atan, Bulyot and Tulindoy. I have never worn boots. I bring my lunch of a plastic container and I still remember the smell of fried pork on top of sinigang na kanin and my face frowning if I was having it four days in a row. We played luksong tinik, taguan, piko, patintero and the classic gerbase which I do not really know if that's the right spelling. We have chocnuts, lemon drops, marie cookies and kornik. I was happy with what we have then except when I started reading and began wanting what I cannot have.

Years later in college, I was talking with my classmate who studied in an exclusive girls school in Manila. In a random conversation, I mentioned reading "Bituing Walang Ningning" in komiks before Sharon Cuneta did the movie. She suddenly burst into laughter as she admitted to reading it from copies of their maid. So we ended up with a banter on all the stories we have read.

It was an eye opener, being Filipino. There were other instances when I relized that its not the artifical world we crave and instilled in our minds that truly makes us happy, but the celebration and recognition of who we really are does.

Ms. Fernando said once you become a Filipino, you will never let go of it. Exactly what I wanted to say for a long long time.