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I know I have a lot of regrets in my life and the choices I made are hard. I cannot say I am living a wonderful life. But I have a lot to thank for.

Happy Birthday to me.

Free Modern Poetry Course at Yale Open

"There is time to murder and create" T.S. Eliot

I have often wanted to take Literature in college but never got the guts to do it. So I ended up becoming an overworked underpaid health worker.

These days however, I am on a high time low census that I absolutely have a lot of time to myself. So I googled what things come for free. There are hundreds of websites that lists hundreds of free online courses. Skimming through them was not easy when I suddenly felt like I opened a huge chest full of treasures that I want to sample as much as I could in one munch. There were courses in business, arts, languages and the sciences.

I clicked furiously one after the other. Mostly the courses are just slides used in the course, like the one from UC and John Hopkins. The best one as I skimmed through them are the courses from Yale. Although limited in number compared to the others, the website not just offers the lectures slides, it offers the transcript of the lecture, the whole syllabi, the class activities and the video of the lecture. Its like a free audit of a class in an Icy League school. Didn't we all wished for that one time or the other?

The course which interested me was that of Prof Langdon Eng 301 Modern Poetry. I am presently half way through. Listening to the lectures every morning while I take a bath. I have heard the lecture on my most loved poet since I was grade 5, Robert Frost and actually learned insights I have never known before. Even Prof Langdon's discussion of "Birches" made my hairs stand on end for the sheer beauty of discernment and knowledge.

Yeats and Pound were poets I have not really appreciated before. But the lectures have made understand their art and now I am a Yeats fan.

Right now I am studying the lectures on T. S. Eliot. His "Pufrock" and "Wastelnad" poems are already breaking my heart. I realized that reading poetry alone though has its benefit, the scholar really sees more and you become more appreciative of the magic of these classic poems with these lectures.

Strongly recommended: www.oyc.yale.edu

Singapore Again (Pancit na naman)

It is summer in Europe. So our family was once again reunited after a long time two years. I was planning the trip to Singapore for like forever. I was on the internet most of the time trying to make the best schedule for the two day trip. As the date was nearing, hitches began to seep in. Mama was still in depression and was worrying about the smallest details. My sister-in law was pregnant. And they got swindled off their airplane ticket. So that means fewer money to spend.

But I was determined to go on with this trip since this is the first time the whole family will be together on a trip abroad. It was also the first time Mama will be going out of the country. So no matter how expensive this ws going to cost me, I was hell bent on going.

We were in the Centennial terminal waiting for the flight to Singapore. Mama was agitated about the immigration, our luggage, our itinerary. I realized its from her where I got the nerves. The fear of doing something new. It might be really nervewracking to go on your first international trip at 76. So I was there to give her encouragement and support. I was caregiver. My brother was excited and he wanted to do everything except that he forgot that his wife is pregnant and Mama can walk and ride the metro or the other contraptions.

We went to Sentosa. Mama did not tell me inside the cable car that she was afraid the whole 10 minutes. She was complaining about the long walks and the bus ride. But I guess she i did enjoy the underwater world. She did saw sharks, manta rays and manatee. She rode the cable car. We went to the night safari. I wished we could have visited other spots.

When I showed her the pictures, she said "Yun lang?" We were confined in the hotel room most of the time because her knees were painful. She was cold when we were walking at the Merlion park. That time I was furious of myself for letting her come and was afraid I maybe raising her blood pressure.

But we did have fun. It did not matter if my brother and I clashed in our opinions. It did not matter if I have to pay more. There are certain things that are priceless, like being together, laughing, making memories.

George Benson and Al Jarreau

It suddenly rained at the start of rush hour. And the that part of EDSA outside Megamall was ankle deep in floodwater. Nothing really change in Manila, everything just gets worse. It was difficult to get a cab at EDSA Shangrila willing to take us to the Araneta. The last time I watched a concert there was 12 years ago, a Michael Bolton show. I had a different vision of it then so was when I frequented it when I was a child to watch the circus or Holiday on Ice. This time, the floor smelled of cockroach shit. The seats were badly maintained. The whole place still stark and dark. Like a rundown theater in Avenida. The place really needs renovation badly. Its stuck in the 80's.

Just like everyone in the crowd that night. The dual performance though did not live to my expectations of a show. But my expectations were not meant for such anyway. It was not a production number galore show. The vocalization by Al Jarreau was great but hey, I wanted to watch a concert, I am not in a jazz lounge. It was good that George Benson sang the more familiar songs "In Your Eyes" (I was expecting Regine Velasquez to emerge singing a duet of her ang bagong kampeon contest piece) and "The Greatest Love of All". The rest of the night was disappointing though. I was half asleep in the middle of Al Jarreau's performance and he did not even sang "Spain".

Spotted: Rowell and Randy Santiago. Noynoy Aquino. The Vice-President. Richard Merck. Talk about the crowd. 40 somethings. Proof of aging. Ha ha ha.

September 8

Everything will be alright in September. Its my birthday month and I share it with the Blessed Mother. September 8 do not ring much to ears of Catholics like December 25 or December 8 or the movable dates of the Holy week, but nonetheless it has been a source of joy and refuge and strength to celebrate that day of the birth of Our Lady.