Please pray for my princess

We have longed waited for her arrival. Everyone was excited and when she arrived, we suddenly have a princess. Her father called her "bella". Italian for beautiful. I told my brother that it does not matter if my niece has a skin tag, it's not really important. And she was my princess. I have conjured lots of plans for her. I will give her the best I could that I never had. But a call from my brother while eating breakfast, my princess was vomiting and passing blood in her stools. In a matter of hours, she was admitted in the hospital and operated on for volvulus or twisting of the intestines. Presently, she is at the intensive care unit and have not feed on anything for the past week. There are signs that she is improving. She is off oxygen. She still has a long way to go before they feed her. And hopefully she would be able to tolerate the feedings and continue on with her recovery.

I have dealt with the same situation in my career but usually on the other end. Telling parents about a baby's condition also breaks my heart. No matter how hard I try to be comforting, the news always breaks nerves and all the strength and courage of the bravest person. I cried on the street while I was taking my brother's call telling me of the news. I wanted to be there. I wanted to do whatever I can. But it was not me anymore. This time I am the parent. This time I am the passive observer. This time I am the one hoping.

There is a lesson from this. At one point I asked God for all the debt's I let go for treating all other babies for free. And when I was told that the condition was worse than I expected, I said I was not that important to God after all. Whe my borhter called up after 6 hours and told me that the other doctors were optomistic that my princess will recover, I suddenly realized what I have thought. I was so easy to give up hope on Him. But it is Him who knows what is good and I should not question what He has given me.

Please pray for my princess. Thank you very much.

Survivor Philippines

I resolved to save money last month so instead of going out daily for dinner, I stayed at home and kept myself busy with the boob tube. You can actually get addicted to these shows that really does not make you think but rather play with you emotions. So I became a Survivor fan in the past three weeks. Buti na lang last five episodes na lang.

I started watching when they voted Kiko off. There was an agreement among members of the old tribe to kick out all the remaining members of the other tribe, but there were two dissenters and he was kicked out of the camp. Of course that was like a Shakespearean Julius Ceasar spin off.

As I watch it daily after my salad dinner, I was amazed how the characters morphed and get affected by the different circumstances. I wanted Cris and Kaye out that week because they betrayed Kiko. But as I watched, it was actually Marlon that I hated most. He would scheme and deal and sow hatred among the contestants. But he was like the soul of the show. When he was finally booted out, it was not the same again.

When mama Zita got voted off, I think that was the height of arrogance among all the contestants. I understand their rationale when they say they don't stand a chance to win if they stand with her in the finals facing the jury, but hey did you guys watched what they did last night?!!!!

Grrr. If they really did want to win without thinking of all the utang na loob bullshit and all of them saying that blah blah blah this is a game walang personalan. Hello. Eh di dapat si JC ang na vote off kahapon. If I were there I would vote him off para I'm sure of a fighting chance in the finals. Eh Charisse and Rob may rationalize it in all their interviews, but let's face it they voted Cris out because they owe JC something. So saan ba dyan ang strategy and the rationale na game lang to. So sa final three Putang Ina ninyo!!!

Sunset, the sea and the mountains

Obama wins

I don't know what's it about the Lantaka Hotel. But it seems that all those world changing history making moments have to occur while I'm sipping coffee at the lobby. So it's final Obama wins. Now the world can move on.

Fiesta Pilar 2008

I can't believe it that I have been watching the fiesta third year in a row. This tough it was different. I was keen on taking photographs having bought a new DSLR and trying to learn photoshop techniques. So much for all the world's troubles. It does not really make a difference if I wallow myself in patriotic sorrow. That does not give me money for food. So from now on, I will enjoy the good in life. Happy Fiesta.

38

I know I have a lot of regrets in my life and the choices I made are hard. I cannot say I am living a wonderful life. But I have a lot to thank for.

Happy Birthday to me.

Free Modern Poetry Course at Yale Open

"There is time to murder and create" T.S. Eliot

I have often wanted to take Literature in college but never got the guts to do it. So I ended up becoming an overworked underpaid health worker.

These days however, I am on a high time low census that I absolutely have a lot of time to myself. So I googled what things come for free. There are hundreds of websites that lists hundreds of free online courses. Skimming through them was not easy when I suddenly felt like I opened a huge chest full of treasures that I want to sample as much as I could in one munch. There were courses in business, arts, languages and the sciences.

I clicked furiously one after the other. Mostly the courses are just slides used in the course, like the one from UC and John Hopkins. The best one as I skimmed through them are the courses from Yale. Although limited in number compared to the others, the website not just offers the lectures slides, it offers the transcript of the lecture, the whole syllabi, the class activities and the video of the lecture. Its like a free audit of a class in an Icy League school. Didn't we all wished for that one time or the other?

The course which interested me was that of Prof Langdon Eng 301 Modern Poetry. I am presently half way through. Listening to the lectures every morning while I take a bath. I have heard the lecture on my most loved poet since I was grade 5, Robert Frost and actually learned insights I have never known before. Even Prof Langdon's discussion of "Birches" made my hairs stand on end for the sheer beauty of discernment and knowledge.

Yeats and Pound were poets I have not really appreciated before. But the lectures have made understand their art and now I am a Yeats fan.

Right now I am studying the lectures on T. S. Eliot. His "Pufrock" and "Wastelnad" poems are already breaking my heart. I realized that reading poetry alone though has its benefit, the scholar really sees more and you become more appreciative of the magic of these classic poems with these lectures.

Strongly recommended: www.oyc.yale.edu

Singapore Again (Pancit na naman)

It is summer in Europe. So our family was once again reunited after a long time two years. I was planning the trip to Singapore for like forever. I was on the internet most of the time trying to make the best schedule for the two day trip. As the date was nearing, hitches began to seep in. Mama was still in depression and was worrying about the smallest details. My sister-in law was pregnant. And they got swindled off their airplane ticket. So that means fewer money to spend.

But I was determined to go on with this trip since this is the first time the whole family will be together on a trip abroad. It was also the first time Mama will be going out of the country. So no matter how expensive this ws going to cost me, I was hell bent on going.

We were in the Centennial terminal waiting for the flight to Singapore. Mama was agitated about the immigration, our luggage, our itinerary. I realized its from her where I got the nerves. The fear of doing something new. It might be really nervewracking to go on your first international trip at 76. So I was there to give her encouragement and support. I was caregiver. My brother was excited and he wanted to do everything except that he forgot that his wife is pregnant and Mama can walk and ride the metro or the other contraptions.

We went to Sentosa. Mama did not tell me inside the cable car that she was afraid the whole 10 minutes. She was complaining about the long walks and the bus ride. But I guess she i did enjoy the underwater world. She did saw sharks, manta rays and manatee. She rode the cable car. We went to the night safari. I wished we could have visited other spots.

When I showed her the pictures, she said "Yun lang?" We were confined in the hotel room most of the time because her knees were painful. She was cold when we were walking at the Merlion park. That time I was furious of myself for letting her come and was afraid I maybe raising her blood pressure.

But we did have fun. It did not matter if my brother and I clashed in our opinions. It did not matter if I have to pay more. There are certain things that are priceless, like being together, laughing, making memories.

George Benson and Al Jarreau

It suddenly rained at the start of rush hour. And the that part of EDSA outside Megamall was ankle deep in floodwater. Nothing really change in Manila, everything just gets worse. It was difficult to get a cab at EDSA Shangrila willing to take us to the Araneta. The last time I watched a concert there was 12 years ago, a Michael Bolton show. I had a different vision of it then so was when I frequented it when I was a child to watch the circus or Holiday on Ice. This time, the floor smelled of cockroach shit. The seats were badly maintained. The whole place still stark and dark. Like a rundown theater in Avenida. The place really needs renovation badly. Its stuck in the 80's.

Just like everyone in the crowd that night. The dual performance though did not live to my expectations of a show. But my expectations were not meant for such anyway. It was not a production number galore show. The vocalization by Al Jarreau was great but hey, I wanted to watch a concert, I am not in a jazz lounge. It was good that George Benson sang the more familiar songs "In Your Eyes" (I was expecting Regine Velasquez to emerge singing a duet of her ang bagong kampeon contest piece) and "The Greatest Love of All". The rest of the night was disappointing though. I was half asleep in the middle of Al Jarreau's performance and he did not even sang "Spain".

Spotted: Rowell and Randy Santiago. Noynoy Aquino. The Vice-President. Richard Merck. Talk about the crowd. 40 somethings. Proof of aging. Ha ha ha.

September 8

Everything will be alright in September. Its my birthday month and I share it with the Blessed Mother. September 8 do not ring much to ears of Catholics like December 25 or December 8 or the movable dates of the Holy week, but nonetheless it has been a source of joy and refuge and strength to celebrate that day of the birth of Our Lady.

A Long Overdue Post on BJE

I have not lived too long in Mindanao to understand its situation, but I have lived in it to deserve an opportunity to state my side on the matter of the creation of the BJE. I arrived in the island years ago afraid of a war that has long been fought between the military and the muslim rebels. Coming from Manila, only the images of bombings, rolling tanks, flying mortars and dead bodies were what I associate with the island. I looked out of my hotel window the first day and Zamboanga City was like downtown Manila with narrow streets, dingy places, old rundown theaters, lots of people, situated along the bay with a mini fortress. I was like taken into a recreation of Manila in an island 2000 kms away. Aside from the occassional bomb scare, the city was experiencing a change, business was up and new buildings were constructed. Not as fast as everyone hoped for but there was movement.

Then there was BJE. I am not a lawyer to comment on its merit, but the way I see it is the MILF will be handed areas in Mindanao as part of their ancestral domain. My views in the matter: 1. Was it not covered by the agreement with MNLF? 2. The creation of ARMM did not improve the lives of the people in the area covered by the charter. Why include a bigger area? 3. What is the purpose of giving them these areas? Is it to govern? Is it just to appease whose egos? Or there is a different agenda altogether for the government? 4. I maybe wrong but I don't see large numbers of people crying for the fall of the government here in Mindanao. Is the movement backed by guns and terrorism only?

When I ask locals, they just answered it has always been this way. But when will it stop? Maybe it can be answered by when did it start? History has been afraid to expound on what really is Muslim Mindanao. For most part it has even neglected it. I never really learned my Mindanao geography and history until recently from books published by the Ateneo press. It is not part of standard elementary textbooks. Films about the area are romanticized adventures and the recent ones are taken straight out of the imagination even the supposedly war movies. So where can we get our answers when all these years, we have tried to erase them from our memories like what we have done with our recent past?

I have grown to love this place. In fact I am even more comfortable now moving in this city than Manila. To see it change for something better is what everyone here hopes for. Locals cannot afford to live anywhere else. If we just let it deteriorate because of egos and principles and hidden agendas, we are not doing it a great service. I hope there will be a time when they can bring back the glory that was Zamboanga.

Plantacion Bay Cebu

Great? I was away for a weekend. a spur of th emoment thing. Trying to get away from life for a while. Landing on the Cebu airport, the display for Plantacion Bay greets all the travellers as you pass through the baggage claim. On the center was a huge booth complete with palm trees and of course a clerk complete with a wide brim hat, grey uniform and boots. I could not remember if its a zookeeper's uniform or a hacendero. Anyway that got us excited.

We headed to the resort. The staff was friendly and eager to help you. The food was surprisingly not not great.

But it was the lagoon itself. Advertised as Spanish colonial, the architecture and landscape was really at a lost. The villas are actually modern with takes on some Bali inspiration. The dreadful thing was the artificial lagoon with that awful artificial brown waterfalls with the black boulders on the rim and sand all over the rest of the place. Its like somebody never thought of how these things really occur in its natural setting. For someone who is used to going to the extent of an adventure just to see good beaches, this is not your thing. Its like going into a sanctuary of dead corals.

For service and food, I would give this place a rave for food that can relieve a breakfast craving and great service that can pass an english test. For the amenities and the architecture, I would give this place a rant. It never did advertise itself as a tropical getaway, but a spanish colonial resort is so far from what it is.

In the Presence of My Enemies

I got to the Cebu airport 3 hours ahead of my flight to Davao. In the only bookstore in the vicinity, there was a lone copy of Gracia Burnham's account of her ordeal with the Abu Sayyaf last 2001. When the book came out, I was indifferent. I am one of those millions of Filipinos who believed whatever the media dishes out. I am one of those millions of Filipinos who never bothered to read.

Seven years after and having had lived in Mindanao for the past three years, I bought the book out to satisfy my curiosity. The book started with the kidnapping at Dos Palmas in Palawan. The group's transfer to Basilan and the year long captivity with details on the subsequent release of the Filipinos hostages after ransom were paid and the forcing of women to marry them. The beheading of an immigrant. Tales of diarrhea and hunger and having to survive a predicament not really of one's fault.

Seven years after, the book speak more truths to me and made me understand what is happening in Mindanao especially Zamboanga, Basilan and Jolo. People in Manila have long romanticized the situation. Mindanao is the Philippine's Africa. And Gracia's account might well be the Asian version of "Out of Africa". But the truths written in the book were just brushed off by the government and the military. And like any citizen in this God forsaken country, I believed them. I beleived that no ransom was paid especially when Regis Romero was released. I beleived the military was straight enough not to provide guns to the rebels. I believed that the government is on top of the situation.

I tried to look the other way. Because the truths hurt.

1. The military gets a cut from the ransom money paid to the kidnappers.
2. The military provide arms to these kidnappers. The money paid by the people for taxes used to buy guns are used to kidnap and kill its own people.
3. There are ransoms paid for every victim in the kidnapping.
4. The military was responsible for the death of Martin burnham and Edibohra Yap.

It may seem not to matter now for most Filipinos. Issue after issue. The media hug each but nothing gets resolved. The issues just fade away like a bad memory in a country ailing with Alzheimers's Disease. This is my country. Maybe this is why they call this place Paradise. You can actually do anything and get away with it.

Colonial Mentality

I was reading Gilda Cordero Fernando's speech published in the Inquirer magazine last Sunday. I am one of those who can relate. I did not grew up in the same era though as Ms. fernando. But I lived in a time somewhere close to that - a time of transition. That was when it was considered baduy to speak in Filipino, read tagalog komiks, watch tagalog films, drink local coffee and the social status is based on the smuggled imported goods you buy from greenhills, cash and carry or cartimar. I was also taught to read using a primer with characters named, Ann and David. I read books with illustrations of children with blond hair riding in cars and wearing winter clothes. So my dreams were of rose bushes, wheat fields and tractors. I dream of owning boots and metal lunch boxes, playing with wheelbarrows and haystacks. I was looking for swans, chocolate candy bars and of course apples and oranges.

But what was around me? The roses were small with climbing vines making its way through the thick sampaguita trellis. And the sampaguita always smell better. I saw hectares and hectares of ricefields with coconut trees but never saw a wheat field. My friends were named Pepe, Sabel, Atan, Bulyot and Tulindoy. I have never worn boots. I bring my lunch of a plastic container and I still remember the smell of fried pork on top of sinigang na kanin and my face frowning if I was having it four days in a row. We played luksong tinik, taguan, piko, patintero and the classic gerbase which I do not really know if that's the right spelling. We have chocnuts, lemon drops, marie cookies and kornik. I was happy with what we have then except when I started reading and began wanting what I cannot have.

Years later in college, I was talking with my classmate who studied in an exclusive girls school in Manila. In a random conversation, I mentioned reading "Bituing Walang Ningning" in komiks before Sharon Cuneta did the movie. She suddenly burst into laughter as she admitted to reading it from copies of their maid. So we ended up with a banter on all the stories we have read.

It was an eye opener, being Filipino. There were other instances when I relized that its not the artifical world we crave and instilled in our minds that truly makes us happy, but the celebration and recognition of who we really are does.

Ms. Fernando said once you become a Filipino, you will never let go of it. Exactly what I wanted to say for a long long time.

Louvre Greek Masterpieces

You will be amazed thinking that these were done long before you were born and survived. Immortality is the true test of a classic.

Wall Climbing

Church of the Transfiguration

Perched on a hillside along the highway going west from Zamboanga City is the Church of the Transfiguration. Dedicated to Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage, the Church has an altar with glass windows looking out into the sea. In the center is an abstract painting of the Transfiguration by the Italian parish priest's brother. Both breathtaking marvels. They make one appreciate God's love for all.

Desolation

This much. All of us can only take so much. I am in a frenzy with thoughts after an afterglow. I walked the streets this afternoon time nearing sunset and the haze created a scene like it's December and Christmastime. I wish I can be happy, but my heart is sad and I don't know where it is coming from.

Tears of a Giraffe

What set this book apart from other books on Africa is because it portrays Africa as it is and not as the helpless demoralized famine stricken continent that the westerners are bound to project. The book explores the tragedy of a White woman loosing his son ten years ago and wanted to have a closure. It turns out that her son fell into a thorn pit and was dragged by the lover of his lover into an anthill where his body eventually became one with the earth leaving no trace. In the midst of her search for the answers, the head of the no.1 ladies detective agency has to balance her engagement to a mechanic with a sinister hosehold help and two newly adopted children.

This is a light read but it changed my views of Africa. I hope there are books like this that will change the images of the Philippines. We have moral characters too that exist and our lives go beyond the drudgery of war, drugs and corruption. It just takes a voice like Alexander McCall Smith to start the transformation.

Irresponsible Ces Drilon Released

I am against the way media is projecting Ces Drilon is a hapless victim in her kidnapping when in the final analysis she brought her predicament upon herself. There are a lot of victims of this vilent and reproachable act who never took chances with fate like she did.

Sometimes heroics should be weighed as to how much courage and responsibility one gives in the performance of a good act. In her reckless pursuit for a none existing story, Ces Drilon ignored the usual precautions and endangered her life and her crew. clearly that is not responsible journalism.

By being kidnapped for nine days, she just opened up old wounds and lead us back into the ages when the mere mention of Sulu and Zamboanga send shivers to the spine of anyone residing in Luzon and echoing into the international community (her release is on the headlines of yahoo today). She justified the military's request for more funds when it could be used for education and health projects. She justified the war in Mindanao. She placed the peace process a thousand steps back to where it started.

I do not believe she just got off easily from her predicament with just the laway of Sen Loren Legarda. Ten years from now, when the light shines low on her career, she will look back and write a book and just like Gracia Burnham, she will tell us all what really happened. By then few will be interested and would have forgotten who she is and what all of this was about.

For now, I apologize for not being able to emphatize.

May 29 Zamboanga Bombing

Finally the sun was out and everyone was glad to be able to enjoy the last few days of summer without the rains. The traffic early that morning was steadily growing into a pack but still manageable until school day traffic. The army dependents were waiting in front of the Edwin Andrews airbase for the scheduled C130 flight to Manila. Some on the flight to prepare for the coming school year. some to start jobs in Manila. Others to get the last chance to fritter away the last few days of the vacation.

There was an announcement a delay because of the US ambassadors visit to Pagadian and the President's visit to Tawi tawi. The passengers became restless. Some have scheduled appointments for that morning. but everyone was ready for the hitches, it was a free ride anyway. The sun was slowly drying the dew off the cemented pavement. The vendor of the fruit stand across the gate began his daily routine of arranging ripe papayas tied with straw on nails attached to roof beams of his makeshift stall. The bananas were packed on a box underneath a plywood table. He opened the wooden crate filled with marang and the passengers suddenly were hit by the intoxicating smell of the fruit.

The owner of the barbecue stand near the Blue Diamond started cleaning the grill by scraping the fat drippings and the sweeping the bamboo sticks strewn on the ground. The sari-sari stores were opening shop. The jeepneys and motorcycles hug the road going to the camins intersection like they all own the road without any consideration of other vehicles running the same street.

It was a clear hot sunny day. Then a person riding on the back of the driver of a motorcycle threw a package towards the waiting passengers across the base gate.

23 injured. 2 dead. I am not sure of the statistics. I do not understand why they do this. This place could be beautiful but they choose to make it otherwise and they seem not to be affected about it. Parang okay lang sa kanila na ganito. So I do not dream of change of development here. What is here is what this place can offer. Yun na yun. don't go on lofty ideal setting for things, but just go on with the flow.

Myanmar: I hope it stays that way

While shopping for a PSP in Singapore, the salesclerk asked me if I come from Myanmar. How dare them! Not exactly my initial reaction but that was my friend's reaction. "Do those singaporeans know the former name of Myanmar?"

I never took it as a derogatory remark. I have been mistaken for an Indonesian, an Indian, a Malaysian and a native of Myanmar, but never as Filipino. I am beginning to accept that as a people we actually do not have a stereotype. We always conform and eventually do not have an identity.

Going back to the topic. I know it is cruel to hope that the country stay that way, with the military rule and the devastation caused by the recent calamities, only hard hearted persons like me could wish for that. But you see, once Myanmar opens up to the world, eventually the Philippines will be left behind.

Kulelat na talaga and Pilipinas. Once Myanmar gets its act together with a new government and a very active citizenry, Philippines will be the rock bottom of all the growth and economic boom surveys.

Kaya nga sana ganun muna sana ang Myanmar.

Museum of the Filipino Poeple

Although we were allowed to take pictures, I think it is improper to the National Museum if I post the ones I took.

I have been to the National Museum three times before this wonderful tour. The first was on a High School field trip when the Senate was still on the premises. the old musty and cobweb laden displays of stuffed animals were all I can remember plus of course the Spolarium. The second was with a date whom I was trying to impress during college. There I failed miserably. The third was with friends, but it was more for fun looking at the displays and trying to figure out things on our own and debating on facts we have no real knowledge on.

Since I have made a rule that it will not just be shopping that will fill my schedules during my trips to Manila and abroad, I decided that everytime I travel, I will make time for either a play, concert or a museum tour. Luckily, there was a National Museum tour on the dates of my visit to Manila. So it was a big thing on the list of things to do. The meetings and the shoping seemed secondary as I looked forward for that Sunday morning tour.

True enough, the tour was a wonderful and eye opening experience. It made me feel proud to be a Filipino.

Before going into the tour, Rajo Laurel was speaking on the television on why the Filipinos were the first global citizens. It turns out the archipelago 40,000 years ago were parts of Asia and Australia. Elephant remains were excavated in the islands as proof. Early inhabitants of the islands were shellfish eaters. That explained the collumns of clam shells in the exhibit area. There were galleries for archeology site and deep water excavations.

The tour of the national treasure the manungul jar was the highlight of one gallery which included excavated jar covers shaped into human faces. The tribal costumes were excellent, with the Bagobo garbs colors showing shades reminiscent of the colors of Armani and Gucci clothes.

It was amazing that ordinary utensils used by Maranaos were made colorful with ukkil carvings. Even the plows used in rice fileds and fishnets were adorned with these designs.

I like most the story of how a T'boli weaver of ikat cloth gets her designs through self induced fever and dreams. I thought that stuff are only for the movies.

The San Diego galleries were beautiful but I guess it did not interest me much personally. Here John Silva's comments practically made the stop bearable. Seeing an original 16th century astrolab if that is the highlight of the gallery as it is the only one displayed in a museum is worth the stop.

We crossed the street to the old legislative building and passing through the lobby with the whimsical Impy Pilapil chandeliers, we were lead into the hall of two great Filipino Masters. Juan Luna's "Spolarium" and Hidalgo's "The Assasination of Governor Bustamante by the Friars" stood across each other on the great hall. It was Luna's painting though that gives the room energy. On the farthest end of the room, two wounded and lifeless gladiators were being dragged into the darkness while on one side a distraught woman turned on her back was in a pose of grief as onlookers packed and peered on the opposite end. The painting won the first price of a prestigious Spanish competition with Hidalgo's placing second.

All these years, its significance for me was limited to that idea. The "Spolarium" was great because it won a prize. However, as the great John Silva narrated the circumstances and events that followed after its celebrated victory- Jose Rizal's speech, the branding of Rizal as subersive and his eventual writing of the Noli and Fili, changed my perspective. It was not just the beauty of the work and the metaphor behind, but the fuelling of a revolution that made it great. I stood in awe. There were tears bordering on my eyelids. It made me proud.

There were other works on display by national artists and other painters. The contrast between the romanticized version of Francisco's First Mass and Manansala's Planting of the Cross were a striking and impressive way to view art and history and the Filipino society. It helped me realize how flawed our education system is and how it should be salvaged.

If you have time during the dates on the poster, I highly recommend joining the tour. I use to think when I go on tour of museums in other countries that their collections were more impressive than ours. This tour have made it all wrong. We have a wealth of history and art that is waiting for us to discover and eventually make us appreciate and proud of who we are.

Coming of Age: Zamboanga City

It's about time. They are beginning to construct new buldings. They have neglected the progress of this city for so long and people are just relying on miracles to make development happen. With thoughts of a mall in most of everyone's wishlist. It is really still a way long long time before that happens. Meanwhile we just have to content ourselves with small successes.

Two years ago the first coffee shop hit the scene. People thought it will be a flop but since then coffee shops are sprouting slowly like orchids, rare but they are there.

Finally, a place serving gourmet italian and continental dishes. Pizza parlors have come and go. Fine dining restaurants have closed their doors. All because consumers are enslaved to the taste of jollibee and grilled seafood. Let's just say that was the taste of Davao consumers ten years ago. That is how behind the city is.

But bravo, one local restaurant "Country Chicken" have decided to reinvent itself by changing the menu featuring puttanesca, fabada, four cheese pizza. I don't know how long this dream will last. But hopefully it does for a long time.

I Lost Another Rosary

I cannot remember when I started wearing a rosary in my pocket. I cannot even remember how many I have lost. I used to wear black beaded rosaries initially but I eventually loose them and bemoan how expensive they are. Since then I started wearing the brown wooden ones. I love the rosaries I have lost because all of them are the ones I have put my strength and devotion in through the rough times in my life. The prayer have guided me when my thoughts hover all over the place. Before the rosaries were placed in my right hand pocket but since I wanted to make my body symmetrical for the feeling that I have been using the half of my body most, I flipped the orientation of things in my jeans pockets. So there, I lost the rosary I have been using since fellowship. I thought it will suddenly turn up in my clothes or room or the car, but its been five days now. Now i officially declare that it is lost and I opened a plastic case of the rosary given by the Carmelite sisters last year.

I just took up Oil Painting Classes

My teacher called my work emotional. I don't know what is emotional about a green cup with a pink background, but painting class sure makes me focus my anxieties on a piece of canvass. I get frustrated when I cannot work out a figure and get flustered with joy on a piece well done. Each session gives me new insights into different techniques. Just when you though you knew it all, on the next session, the rules gets changed or improved. Ah, the wonders of the medium never ceases. If you happen to be in need of a good destressing hobby, then painting is it. You can get lost while painting in a canvass.

Dumaguete, Apo Island

All I know about Dumaguete used to come from my readings and its fame as the very first city to offer a writing workshop in Silliman University. Images of a tree lined boulevard by the sea and the iconic Silliman Hall are staples of documentaries and picture books on dumaguete. Beyond these, Dumaguete offers a myriad of places and activities to fill up a vacation without being bored. Being groomed as the next tourist itirenary with its neighboring Cebu and Bohol, Dumaguete is on the right tract.

By now the city has a very cosmopolitan air. With tourist flocking the area near the sea and expats with their Filipino wives building beach resort after beach resort along the shore.

I hope it does not suffer the fate of Boracay. At any rate it was good that I have been there first before that happens.

When in Dumaguete:
1. Visit the St. Catherine of Alexandra Church and the famous belfry.
2. Visit the mini-zoo which houses flying foxtrot (the inspiration for dracula turning into bats), the rare Philippine spotted deer and the wild boar.
3. Visit the seaside resorts like Santa Monica
4. Visit the mountain resort Forrest Camp.
5. Visit the Silliman marine life museum.
6. Take a Silliman University tour. See the iconic Silliman Hall. The very old water fountain. The teacher and student dorms. The grounds with old acacia trees. They say although the College of Music has only one student it was not phased out because it was the oldest college in the university.
Walking the grounds, I am reminded of the Ninotchka Rosca's short story of the lady violin teacher having an affair with her student on a southern university town. At last this could be the place of inspiration.
7. Eat at Malatapay. Original home of the Sutukil. Take one fish a make soup from the head, grill the tail and toast the belly in vinegar. That's sugba (grill) tula (make soup) and kilawin. Every wednesday is market day. The place turns into a festive chaotic scene of a fiesta reenacted every week. With rows of stalls selling fresh seafood and livestock and vegetables from the mountains and the nearby islands. Get the feshest seafood and vegetables and ask you favorite cook the prepare them exactly the way you like it.
8. APO ISLAND. If you are into snorkeling and diving, this is the place to be. Not for the faint hearted though. Be ready for a rough boat trip to the island with constant spraying of seawater as the boat splashes against the waves even on calm days. The snorkeing area is fantastic. Although not as good as El Nido. Except for the rough waves and sharp rocks that caused my bruises while maneuvering into the waters, it was a good experience. Take a picture from the rock formation in the island and then buy t-shirts from the lady vendors. Plan to go early in the morning because the waves are really rough in the afternoons or stay the night at one of the resorts and then go back the next day.
9. Sans Rival. Indeed the pastry shops in Manila faces a tough competition when you taste the heavenly-mouth-watering-to-die-for silvanas from this famous restaurant.
10. Take a walk along the Boulevard at night. There are several gourmet restaurants doting the strip. One can get the traditional grilled seafood dinner, or eat italian, japanese and swiss. "Why Not" was our instant favorite with their breads baked fresh daily. Try the cereal bread which is the best bread in town, by the way. Choose from a variety of pates or ham as filling. Get the curious looking cookies shaped like bread with different flavors and wash it down with coffee.
11. Bethel Hotel. Clean, spacious, quiet, by the sea. It is the best place to stay when you are in the area. Eat the bubod. Suman or sticky rice with millet seeds.

Macbook Hate it !!!

It was a toss between the smallest Vaio and the black Macbook. It was really the sleek lines of the Vaio that I was attracted to, but the 1.2 Hz bugged me plus the unavailability of an international warranty and the thought of having to buy anti-virus systems yearly just to keep an investment safe made me buy the 2.5kg black Mac. Of course it saved me the hassle of buying the antivirus, but little did I know I have a new ballgame all together with my purchase.

First, it does not run on Windows yehey I'm virus free. But I have to learn how the whole Leopard thing works. So half of the time I am lost in the new screen maze I am overusing the help function of the computer. Next there is supposedly a way to work windows vista with all the added software into the computer. Hell who really knows how to do that except some mac expert who is nowhere in sight at least five hundred meters away from where I live.

So here is the deal. Next time I buy it does not have to be that conservative thinking of not paying off for a antivirus software or warranties. As with my previous computers I never needed them anyway. I still have to see what is the great advantage is using a Mac.

Uniquely Singapore

Everytime I come back to this city state I discover something new. It was a difficult decision to come back and spend my vacation here. I told myself I have seen enough of the country to last me a lifetime. But I was mistaken. We were billeted this time at the opposite end of the Singapore river. The first night we went for a walk along the banks and discovered a lot of things that amazed us. The bridges vary in design and purpose. My favorite of course is the bridge painted by Pacita Abad. The establishments delighted us and was like an urban Boracay. The next day we toured all the museums along the civic district. The Singapore Arts Museum it turned out was a former Catholic school with the image of St. John Baptist de la Salle on the entrance. The National Museum was exhibiting Greek masterpieces from the Louvre. The nearest thing I can get a view of the works before I can afford to go to Paris. Of course, the Esplanade has always been a focal point of all my satys in the island this time I get to watch performances. I got to tour Little India longer compared the last time when I got scared by the idea and the smell. But it was ignorance as I found out. The people in Little India were the best and friendliest among all the areas in the country I've been to.

So why do I keep coming back to Singapore? It's not the usual thing all the time. It changes. It's vibrant. It's uniquely Singapore.

The Talented Spin-off

We have been glued to the blog of Brian Gorrel and the misadventures of DJ Montano and the Gucci Gang for quite awhile now. It has validated that mysterious reason why I prefer the Inquirer over the Star.

I never could explain why, but I never liked the Philippine Star ever since and have not read it except if it's the only paper left when the stewardess is handing out the papers at the start of the flight. I would agonize over columns written like elementary school kids and an occassional romp by a high school magazine editor.

Anyway, I refuse to think they can do it but what I am afraid of may just actually be happening. I have heard the stories my friends using the internet in China and not being able to find any google results for some terms. I didn't believe it. i told them it could be a glitch. Until the past four days of attempting to open Brian's site, the site downloads after scrolling a few lines the screen suddenly poofs, I get a scrren that tells me I have no internet access. Is it a virus? Or there is now an existing overlord of internet blog posts? Democracy ending in a medium that was suppose to propel it. Let me be the first one to say good-bye to an era.

Rice Shortage

The rice I grew up eating was fragrant and had a bite on chewing. It is called kinanda and does not grow on wet rice paddies but rather on dry land ploughed starting the onset of the rainy season and harvested in early december. No one plants this variety of rice anymore. It consumes a lot of overhead expenses and harvest comes only once a year. In short farmers are at a losing end when they plant this variety. I saw my father loose money for several years when he was planting this variety until he eventually gave up on cultivating rice and shifted to livestock.

I do not know about the agriculture situation at present having committed the worst crime of a son of a farmer, forget about the land. What I know is that when I start farming, the problems that will beset me will be more than handling patients at the hospital. First raising capital is not that simple. The bank has interest rates like they should be the only ones who should profit. Next there is the uncertainty of the harvest including pests and bad weather. Next there are farm hands who does not only do the worse jobs, but poach from your produce. And then there are the neighboring farms who do not respect your privacy. And then there is marketing of the produce. The prices are so low that only the middleman gets the beef. So in the end its the farmer who suffers the most. He does the work and everyone else gets the profit.

Other farmers have moved on and taken lives away from the field. Or the field have taken another life. When I was young when you drive throught the south super highway, all you can see are long strecth of rice fields. Now only housing projects and industrial plants liter the scenery.

I do not condemn development. But I condemn the process by which we are developing. Our leaders do not have foresight. No one is planning for us. Nobody foresee anything except the end of each leader's term.

Unless we see ourselves in such bad situations, only then will we realize that we have to change things. So bring it on. Let's have all kinds of food shortages, increase the price of fuel and transportation, provide no health services. Let the people know what it's like, so they will wake up from this long long sleep.

Sayang na naman: Doctors for Hire

It was like a painful shot in the arm that you never thought you will ever have, not at least when you are still at the prime of life and healthy.

It takes you to realities that are difficult to accept.

It is harder when the person involved is someone you admire for her competence, astuteness and resourcefulness.

Two weeks ago one of our own decided to leave for the Middle East to practice medicine after 6 years of private practice in one of the provinces. It came as a shock since her practice is well established and her family has taken root into the community's environment.

Suddenly this decision. I am still unaware of the real reasons. It maybe political. It does not exist only in government but in the medical profession as well where career growth is stunted by those who favor one for the other. It maybe lack of career growth. A feeling I have when I realize that this is all there is to it and nothing good follows after you have done everything you could because of financial and logistic limitations. It maybe financial. Let's face it half of our private patients cannot pay our professional fees and for those who can, only a handful can pay the full amount.

Buti pa nga ang barbero hindi tinatawaran ang pf.

It is sad because it makes me realize that no matter how ideal you are. No matter how strong your conviction is to remain in this country in the end its still survival that takes priority. And the government is not doing anything to make the situation better. With all the bills congress wants to pass that impinged on the practice of medicine with no bill in sight for the improvement of health care services and availability.

After this, I realize that it will be soon when I will be on the same crossroads and I have to prepare myself to decide to leave this country and never regret it.

Twisted CBCP statement

Marahil nga hindi ito ang panahon ng pagbabago. Dahilan ng pagwawalang bahala ng karamihan. Maging ang mga pari ay nagbubulagbulagan. Wala nang saysay ang katotohanan. Kayang kayang bilugin ng gobyerno ang utak ng mga tao. Kung hindi sa paikot-ikot na rason na hindi magtugma-tugma, sa pamamagitan ng pera na ni hindi ko kikitain sa isang taon o sa pamamagitan ng pagpatay ng laya sa pagsasalita at laya ng mabuhay.

Masarap mangarap na magkaroon ng maraming pera. Sana nga ganoon kadali kumita ng pera nang hindi pinaghihirapan. Noong bata ako parati akong sinasabihan na mahirap kumita ng pera. Hindi ko ito napagisipang mabuti noon dahil lahat ng aking kailangan ay agad agad naibibigay.

Subalit sa aking paglaki ay sabay din ang paghirap ng buhay. Bumaba ang halaga ng piso. At kung dati ay hindi mo papakialaman ang mga balita sa telebisyon, biglang lahat ng aspeto ng buhay mo ay para bang apektado ng pinapalabas sa news. Pagtaas ng presyo ng gas. Pagtaas ng presyo ng bilihin. Pagpapataw ng VAT. Sunod-sunod na sakuna lindol, baha, landslide.

Sa gitna nito, binubuno pa rin ang araw araw na gawain para mabuhay. Mayroon bang pagbabago?

Sometimes, I pity myself for having to work for free. I labor sleepless nights to keep my patients alive. I try to do my best. Some live. Some die. But in all of these cases I give the best I could. Its just that a third of them cannot pay me in the end. I do not grudge on this matter. It is my service. For those patients who pay me I give 3% monthly to the government. I get charged 10% immediately at the hospital aside from the VAT. And everything gets computed at the end of the year for my tax. I never get more than 500,000 in a year for working in a place where I am the only specialist in my field. Subtract from that the tax I pay to the government.

Nakakainis lang para bang walang kwenta ang pera para sa mg opisyal ng gobyerno at parang isang kibot lang para matikom ang bibig katapat ay 500,000 pesos. I envy them that for nothing they get that much money. For sitting all day long doing nothing except to help perpetuate a system of corruption, the president, cabinet members, senators and congressmen live on the fat of the our taxes while we ordinary citizens try to build this country from the ravages and havoc of their doing.

Hindi ko pinangarap maging opisyal ng gobyerno. Hindi ko pinagrap na maging sundalo. Dahil ang mga ito sa mga panahong ako ay lumalaki ay hindi naging magagadang example para sa akin. Noon gusto kong mag-pari. Lalong lalo na nung ang aking mga gurong La Sallian brothers ang nagmulat sa akin ng importansya ng paghahanap sa katotohanan. At hindi lang basta paghahanap, maging ang ipaglaban ang katotohanan. Bumalik si Brother Armin Luistro pagkatapos ng tatlong araw na pagkawala. Nakatawa at nagkwento tungkol sa pagtulog nila ng iba pang guro namin sa malamig na semento ng EDSA noong Pebrero 1986. Noon humanga ako sa kanila. Hangang ngayon pinahanga pa rin niya ako ng pagiging convenor ng Black and white movement at sa pagkakandili kay Jun Lozada.

Pero isa si Brother Armin sa mga natitirang tunay na kawal ng simbahan. Ang simbahan ay tila yata nawalan ng saysay sa mga bagong usapin. Mukhang ang korupsyon ay pumasok na rin sa mga sagradong lugar at nabulag na rin ang mga obispo at paring mahihina ang loob. Tao lang. Pero ang tunay na alagad ng Diyos ay nasa panig ng katotohanan.

Sa ngayon nagpapasalamat ako na pinigilan ako ng tatay ko na pumasok ng seminaryo. Mukhang walang natutuhang magaling sa loob lalong lalo na sa seminaryo na pinasukan ni Sec. Gaite. Siguro karamihan ng obispo ay gradweyt din ng seminaryong pinangalingan ni Sec. Gaite.

Katotohanan lamang ang hanap ko. Siguro sa pagbabayad ko ng tax may karapatan akong malaman ang katotohanan. Katotohanan lamang. Walng bawas. Walang kulang.

ZTE: Deal or No Deal

Is this the reason why they axed Kris aquino's show? Maybe the network saw that the ratings of Jun Lozada testifying in the senate was higher than the game show.

But going to more serious matters. Seeing how the issues were laid and the personalities involved, it is my stand that people in government should tell the truth and if they dont want to resign or leave their post, I recommend that at least they confess to their mistakes, face the consequences and change their ways.

It seems like I have lived a hundred lifetimes if again we will have to resort to the street to topple an inefficient and corrupt government. To see three revolutions in a lifetime is bordering on insanity. It only proves that we as a country have not learned anything from our actions. It is good that people are involved one way or another in this debate of wheter we should change our society right now. And everyone is entitled to their opinion. What I am afraid of is that when all of these is over and we settle back to how we all live we will forget all about the runnings of the government and let it be corrupted again by the evil hand of politics.

Why can't we be more vigilant with how the government is run? Why can't we demand from government that transparency? Why can't we demand how our taxes are being spent?

Somebody opined that the change that the country needs will not come from big things but from small and insignificant changes we make with our lives. I agree up to a certain point. We should make our lives more productive to help the country. But a body with cancer cannot survive with low doses of medicines. Cancer cells multiply so fast that if you want cure, a good dose is needed to kill all these cells to prevent them from multiplying.

Dr. Jose Rizal have diagnosed what ails this country a hundred years ago. Up to now with new advances in medicine, we never get the cure we badly need. The stop gap measures of people power have made us hopeful once in a while but the prognosis is not changing. Maybe what we need is to consent to chemotherapy which will get rid of all those cancer cells and aim for cure nothing less.

I am for the truth. And if the truth hurts a lot of people then they have to take it. We deserve nothing less since we pay our taxes.

The Plot Thickens

It is like a good thriller although the bad guys always win. The recent Lozada expose only makes you crave for more. The writers of soap operas should take a cue from this mess. A very good subject for a high brow read or a suspense thriller.

Cheaper Medicines Bill

Everytime I call my mother and ask her about her health, she would complain to me not because she suffers from anything, but because of the cost of her medcines for hypertension, asthma, hypothyroidism and elevated cholesterol levels. All in all she spends 300 pesos a day for medicines only. That amounts to 9,000 pesos a month. She once resulted to taking them every other day just to save money until I found out about it because her blood pressure was not controlled after two months of medication. Since then I made it a point to check on her and count her medicines when I visit. I make sure that she has the exact number of tablets so she wont crimp on taking them.

With the cheaper medicines bill, my mother said its about time that such law is passed. But I doubt if the cost of her midicines will change since all her medicines have no generic counterparts. With all the medical conditions she has with their side effects being balanced out by the other, the danger of passing the decision of which drug to take to the user becomes a recipe for disaster.

Is this the real answer to the health problem of the country o pampapogi na naman ba ito? I work in a government hospital. I see indigent patients who cannot afford even the cheapest available medicine like a one peso paracetamol. Patients who cannot afford an intravenous set and fluids for hydration that would cost around one hundred fifty pesos. Government hospitals run on empty. Personnel make do of what is available and resign helplessly as they lose their patient because they cannot do anything else.

The Philippine government's budget for health is one of the lowest in the entire world. Government hospitals do not have provisions for free medicines. Only a small portion of the population has health insurance that do not cover for catastrophic cases.

Health has never been a primary concern of the Philippine government. It only looks upon it on outbreaks where endless witch hunts are conducted by the media to find faults on almost all personnel.

The congress has not spared the health sector. In fact it is its favorite scapegoat when they want to make papogi. Time and again it issues punitive laws that does not have any logic enough to look at the actual situation of the country's health delivery system.

Take for one, government hospitals cannot add personnel unless congress makes a plantilia or opens a position for a new doctor or nurse. A ward for sixty patients is usually manned by one doctor, one nurse and one midwife. And yet congress occupies itself with bills that seems self serving to its constituents, who are owners of generic drug distributorships or those being lobbied by multinational companies.

The honorable congressmen argues that the same brand manufactured in countries like India and Thailand cost a hundred times cheaper that the ones here in the Philippines. Point well taken. I want to know why? Is it because of the tariff paid by these companies to the government? Is it because of the cost of advertising? Is it because of the added cost of doctors junkets?

The innovative vaccine prevenar costs the company wyeth P320 to manufacture. Before it was marketed in the Philippines, the company already recovered all its overhead for research from marketing in first workd countries. Here, it is marketed to the consumer between 5000 to 6000. The difference from hundreds to thousands in cost benefits the manufacturer, the distributor, the doctors and most of all the government. With all the taxes the manufacturer, the distributor and the doctors have to pay, the government gets half of that final price.

I dream of a time when I dont have to consider cost when I am treating a patient. I dream of a time when I dont have to worry if I get paid or not, but rather enjoy the beautiful profession of healing. But that is just a dream here in the Philippines. Here you don't just heal, you become a counsellor, a social worker, a philantrophist, a charity foundation donor. And most of all a scapegoat for a governments inadequacies.

I look at the receipt after buying my mother's months worth of medicine. I cringed at the cost. There was VAT. I paid 900 pesos to the government for keeping my mother healthy. What do I get in return from the government? A bill prohibiting me from using experience and what I have learned in treating my patients.

Matters

I thought I have been strenghtened by all those years in training seeing premature babies die. But each new one becomes my son or daughter and as I guide them through the rough road of the first days of their lives, they become a part of me. And it still hurt seeing some of them go.

Today I lost another one after a long battle with difficult feeding which turned out to be an obstructed bowel, he underwent an exploratory laparotomy. He was doing fine the first two days, but a hospital acquired infection set in quickly and spread like fire burning paper. The medicines could not alter the course and in four hours, he succumbed to death. I admired most his mother who despite two abortions and a neonatal death, she was calm and composed. It was me who wanted to cry. I have lost another one. I have another angel in heaven. I hope my angels would all help me now so I can save the lives of their brothers and sisters to come.

Happy New Year from The Next Big Thing - Bukidnon

It has been a back breaking trip, driving through the roads of Mindanao. One time you are surrounded with paved roads and bustling vehicles the next you are stuck in long stretches of coconut plantations or rice fields as far as your eyes can see. It's amazing now when I think about it how many mountains we traversed during this travel from Zamboanga City to Davao City. There are roads that curve around mountains and there are those that cut through the mountains. The coast line is breath taking much more if seen on top of the mountains. It's like an ancient road trip where you see the view of a city emerging like an oasis from tops of mountains, from a blind curve over the hill, from rolling plains and winding roads of a plateau.

Of course, the best place in Mindanao, hands down is Bukidnon. If I am to be given a choice, I would not think twice. It has the almost perfect weather like Baguio. It has the rich fertile soil. It is quiet. It can be busy if it wants to. Without even trying, it is a piece of paradise cut off by its steep roads from the menacing clutches of modernization. Alas the roads are already built and slowly development and commercialization are threatening to spoil this last peice of paradise.

I suggest a visit as soon as possible and enjoy. Recommendations include:

1. For good coffee and pastries if you are longing for home after a long trip, go to Mint Leaf. Tucked away on the end of a side street in Malaybalay. They serve coffee and lemon squares and a ambiance to match.

2. The best place to stay is the Pines Hotel on the Malaybalay main road. The walls are filled with works of modern Fiilipino artists. The interiors are a blast from the eigthies but a good place to stay with running hot water. Try their restaurant which serves good pork ribs and steaks.

3. The Catholic Church on Malaybalay, built like a huge barn. Dedicated to San Isidro Labrador. Across is the city park.

4. The Monastery of the Transfiguration. Perched on top of a hill. Designed by the National Artist Leandro Locsin, the Church stands as a pyramid amidst the background of green lush fields and mountains. Home to the famous designer turned Benedictine monk, Noli Hans. You will be thankful going there and start believing again. The monks sell organically grown strawberry, coffee and peanuts.

5. The famous Sumilao farms. Home to farmers who walked from Bukidnon to Manila to ask for their rightful ownership of the land they till.

6. Del Monte Clubhouse in Cawayanon. They have a reputation for serving the best steaks. You will forget you are in Mindanao and think you are in Camp John Hay.

7. The roads are the best for a pleasant road trip. Except for the slow moving huge trucks the ride over roads that dip and rise and over tall bridges with fantastic views of gorges, waterfalls and mountains is worth it.

8. The road from Bukidnon to Davao. Not as zigzaggy like Baguio but almost like it. With clouds drifting by the car window as you pass by children lined along the road with one hand outstreched asking for money.

In the next few years, as the politicos are snaring investors into the area, these places will drastically changed. As with Boracay and Bohol, I bet progress will go unchecked and what this beautiful area has now may change forever. So go now and enjoy while it lasts.