Breastfeeding

I was saddened when I learned I was not breastfed when I was a baby. I thought if I was breastfed I might have up my IQ points. I may not be suffering from asthma. I may not have bouts of depression. But I was part of that herd of the human population fed with cows milk without knowing the long lasting implications on the developing human body. At this age when we question the wisdom of fossil fuels and the degradation of our environment and the fall of civility and morals, isn't it about time that we question the effects of cows milk on society not just in terms of health concerns but the implications it has on how we behave. Have humans became cows? How about mad cow disease? Are we sure the prions were not transferred to processed milk? Is the future of the human race in one clean sweep altered because of the decision of mothers to not feed their children their own milk? I don't know how milk formula became so entrenched in human conciousness that it became the norm. Could be because of strong advertising campaigns. But do they have basis for that now. It is bad that nobody is out their telling mothers what is best for their babies.

Mario Bautista, MD

In these times, heroes are seem limited to comic books and the movies. I grew up with no heroes. The reason why I never had dreams I could call my own or aspirations of greatness or thoughts of grandeur. I can do with what is and give thanks for extras.

Even when I became a doctor, I never had expectations of greatness. I admired those who are driven, but never understood their need. I was going with the flow. Was it because of influence that I became that or was it because of lack of heroes? All around me I saw that the only solution to being unemployed after medical school was to go abroad. I would then dread cold, loneliness and the rat race.

So I stuck around. Finished residency in Pediatrics and a fellowship and decided to practice in a place where there was nothing of what I use to have. I was different and my need for conformity sometimes got me into trouble. Until someone told me, it does not matter to be different as long as you are doing what you know is right things will follow. I wish I had that advice from the very start.

After a series of events that seemed out of control trigerring a bout with depression, I was trying to come back. Relearn my skills and do what I was destined to do. The good thing I learned from my training was not to expect much and be thankful for little successes. When things go wrong, I still think of the "what if I went to the states." It will be long before that thought would go away. And I hope that would be soon. I don't want to see myself as a failure for a lifetime.

I wish I could say I am on my way home as Mario Bautista does. A senatorial candidate of the recently concluded Senatorial elections. I saw him on television today and was so impressed that he is the first person I have looked up on the internet who is not a celebrity. I share the same beliefs while reading his blog. I share his belief that as a people we should reclaim this country. I thought I was when I joined the EDSA II revolution. I thought I was when I was voting for alternative candidates. I thought I was when I was advocating breastfeeding. I thought I was when I made a decision to stay home. Nothing have changed since. I wish I could justify to myself, why I stayed home. Work and not be properly compensated. Be harrassed. Be humiliated. But for some brief moments of laughter. Some peace and smile on faces of babies who lived when otherwise they would not have, I find my solace.

My mother said everything will come back to you and it does not have to be in form of money. Maybe that was what my father was thinking all along. That greatness is not measured in terms of successes but how many people come to your funeral who are thankful that you have touched their lives. So to Doctor Mario, I hope I have known about you sooner and I would have campaigned for you. You have suddenly become my hero of the moment. Suddenly I know there are others who are willing to make this country proud.

Direction in Life

A very elusive point. Does this really exist. Make a list of your dreams on post-its and paste it on your bathroom mirror. You end up becoming dpressed day by day. How do you really discover your destiny. It's supposed to be destiny. do I waste time looking for it? Or am I the quintesscentialdestined to be but cannot? The refuser of glory. The unsung hero. The man behind the success. The shadow in the dark. Ha ha ha. The shadow in the dark nga. I hate depression. I hate this.

Sunsets at 6-C

What went wrong Melinda?

What the hell did Ryan just said? In all of AI's history no one has such consistency in range, vocals and delivery as Melinda Doolittle. It's sad she can never be the American Idol, but I know she is already there with Ella, Billy, Dionne, Aretha, Withney and Mariah. Just a little more time. Who needs to be AI anyway?

in order to heal you have to heal yourself first

I met this lady who does shiatsu massages. I was amazed with her stories because they are real life up to the minute things better told than read. Suffice to say she said you can only give energy which is the effect of the massage only if you are energized yourself. She stressed the importance of meditation and limiting the number of clients.

It was then clear that for me - to heal others, I have to heal myself first. I am feeling better now. I get to sleep longer now. I have lost the thoughts that haunt me and keep me tossing in bed at night. I see a bright sunny day, as a bright sunny day. But I am fearful. Fearful that the illness might come back. Sana wag na lang.

Do I really need to put a picture on every post?

Kailangan ba talagang lagyan ng picture lahat ng post sa isang blog? O pwede namang sulat sulat lang? Sulat sulat ng kahit ano. Pero kung ako kasi nakikibasa mas gusto ko may mga picture. Pero papano kung hindi ka magaling kumuha ng picture at pasmado ang iyong mga kamay halos ang nakukuha lang ng kamera ay ang shake wala na ang picture. Okay lang sa tinggin ko naman wala namang ibang sira-ulong magbabasa ng blog na ito.

P.S. Akala ko kaya ko na pero suko pa rin ako sa rush ng adrenalin. Pagmatagal na nakakalimutan na ng mga ugat kung papano lumaban sa biglang taas ng blood pressure at biglang bilis ng tibok ng puso empty pa rin ang brain hindi nag cliclick.